Sean Taylor not expected to start Sunday at Seattle.

"Playoffs!?!  You're talkin' bout playoffs?!?!" -Allen Iverson

That's right it's playoff time in the National Football League, so what better time to take a look back at the year that was (it was 2007).

Best Team: Tie--Tennessee Titans and Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  In a season where the New England Patriots went 16-0, these two teams both BEAT the Patriots.  In the preseason.  Those games count too (they even keep score), and if you can beat a team that ultimately goes 16-0 later that year, then you've used some sort of magic spell or potion or both.  So, in essence, Jeff Garcia > Tom Brady.

Best Player: Patrick Willis, LB, San Francisco 49ers.  Willis led the entire NFL in tackles with 174.  Most tackles = best player.  It's tackle football for Pete's sake!  And for the sake of our nation and the troops that protect us.

Most mind-boggling stat: The Oakland Raiders and the Pittsburgh Steelers both ran EXACTLY 1000 plays from scrimmage this year.  WOW!  1000!!!  Exactly!  WOW!  Not to be outdone, the Kansas City Chiefs ran 1001 plays.  WHAT!?  1001!!!  Ridiculous!  Exactly ONE more than those two teams!!

***PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS***

Wild Card Round : 

Seattle 35, Washington 14.  I bet this will be the score.

Jacksonville 31, Pittsburgh 29.  This is my guess for what the score will be.  I predict that Jacksonville will lead by 17-19 points in the 4th, almost lose the game, and then win the game with a late FG or something.

Tampa Bay (at least 7), New York ?.  I haven't fully predicted this game yet.

San Diego ?, Tennessee ?.  I'll predict this game later.

Iowa Cock-us. See what I did there? Cock.

Time for randomness.  Slow things down a bit, ya know?

Ike Turner died the other day.  I like Ike.  Or should I say, I LIKED Ike!  (past-tense).

Britney Spears' little sister got knocked up.  And I don't mean she went out and bought the DVD of the movie Knocked Up.  I mean some dude put sperm into her beaver.  He came.  That's how it works.

The Miami Dolphins finally won their first game of the season this week.  Just a fact.

Browsing through Best Buy the other day for some holiday gift giving ideas.  Strolled through the DVD aisle and came across this old classic:

I loved how for a long time a bunch of people thought the movie was real.  Nope.  TOTALLY CGI.  In fact, "Finding Nemo" is the sequel to this.  It's true.  The actual title for this is "The Blair Witch Project: Losing Nemo".  And then when "Finding Nemo" came out they just dropped the Blair Witch part.  I get asked this all the time, but why don't you see Nemo or his dad in the first movie at all then?  Exactly...he was fucking lost!  That's the point of the movie.  Did you not see the previews!?  Plus, I don't think the animators had the skills or computing power to do CGI fish quite yet, so they had to make due.

Magic Johnson was campaigning in Iowa today for Hillary Clinton for President of U.S.  I think that's a good endorsement to have.  Cause beating AIDS is a tough thing to do, but so far he's seemed to have done it.  That gives Hillary the edge versus whichever candidate gets endorsed by Africa.

Pssst.  Found him. ====>

Further Proof.

Ok, this'll probably be the last I talk about baseball's steroid issue.  It's all over the newswaves this week.

Enemy #2 (he hasn't passed Osama yet), is still Barry Bonds, and it's understandable.  After time and time again vehemently denying ever using performance-enhancing drugs, many skeptics have pointed to this photographic evidences that Bonds has increased in muscle size dramatically over the past few years.

Nice point.  But through the magic of the internet I have found FURTHER proof that Mr. Bonds is a user and abuser of growing pills.  The photo of Barry on the left was most likely taken before the steroid-era of the late 1980s and definitely taken before the andro/HGH craze of 1998.  Compare that with the photo on the right, and I think you've got yourself a crime guy.  GUILTY as spin I say.

Meanwhile...

IANNOCENT!!!!

MITCHELL REPORT EXCLUSIVE!

Dear Santa,

Can you please send me some presents for Christmas?

Sincerely,

David

ps: don't forget to squeeze the Charmin!

Lindsay Lohan arrested for rabies, again.

Nothing tonight.  Don't cry.

Look for a mix post-dated tomorrow.  Future.

Where's Waldo?

Report: Nintendo recalling Wii consoles due to incorrect spelling

Back in the Golden Days (1910-2003) kids made their Christmas wish lists by flipping through the giant Sears book and cutting out/circling every single toy they wanted.  All of 'em.  It worked well.  It gave the parents or guardian or Toys for Tots representative a visual depiction of what the child's tiny little heart desired.  I did this all the time.  I circled many a ping-pong table and He-Man playset in my youth.  Also, you knew it was a sign that you were growing up when you spent a LITTLE more time looking at the weight benches and batting gloves than you did looking at the latest Kenner had to offer.  It's the God's honest truth.  And God should tell the truth, especially around Christmas.  His own boy died on this day for your sins.

Back to my point: has the Sears book been totally phased out?  I don't see it anywhere, at least not in my apartment I don't see it.  I think it's been ditched in favor of something more "digital".  Online shopping and online poker, everything is online these days!  It's like there's this little virtual world out there, free of worry and debt and exploration and corruption.  Ugh.

I, for one, will never understand it.  Check out this hyperlink though:

http://www.friendster.com

Like taking candy from a baby who eats candy

Can I fast-forward a bit on you?  Jump ahead a few weeks?  I'm gonna no matter what.

I'm really looking forward to this years' Super Bowl commercials.  Every year there's a surprise ad that really blows me away like a breeze.  Sometimes, the commercial is so good, it blows me away like a gale force wind!

Jog your memory a bit.  Remember that Pepsi ad where the kid uses a straw and "somehow" ends up inside the Pepsi bottle?  (I'm thinking it was trick photography or optical illusions).  Or how about the ad where the two girls start dyking out and then one of them poops into a cup and then they both eat the poop out of the cup.  Remember?  And then there's those hilarious Budweiser commercials where the guys drink Bud or Bud Light and then they do guy-things and then they race and then they throw stuff and then they trick each other.  CLASSIC!

It was really tough to narrow my "favorites" down to just one, but I think this would qualify as my most favorite Super Bowl commercial of all times:

1. iPod Nano, 2. New Socks, 3. Edgemont on DVD

It's that time of year again, so get out your pens and your pencils.  And also some notebook paper, college ruled if you're ambitious.  Or maybe boot up your favorite word processing program for you technophiles out there (people who like to do sex with underage computer childs).  Whip up those Christmas lists now, because Black History Friday has passed and the holiday shopping crunch is in full swing.  Reminds me of a joke I heard the other day; something to do with a child writing Santa wishing for a little brother for Christmas, and Santa replying to the child "send me your mother."  The thing is, that joke doesn't even make sense.  I mean, I understand the general premise of it.  Santa wants to impregnate the little boy's mother thus fulfilling his Christmas wish, but the average parturiency period is 38 weeks, far too long for the gift to arrive in time for Christmas.  Even if the child was studious and submitted his Christmas requests half a year in advance, the baby would be stillborn if it arrived in time for Christmas, which at best would serve as a really lifelike doll for the child.  And come on, in this era of Xbox 360s and those shoes with the wheel in the heel, what child would honestly wish for a younger sibling for Christmas?  Another child would probably put the family into financial burden as well as direct the love and attention of the parents elsewhere.  That joke doesn't make any sense at all, and that's not even taking into account the fact that Santa doesn't exist!

Ed Banger - Ed.Rec Vol 3 PREVIEW! (160kbs)

JUSTICE VS. DAFT PUNK MASHUP!!! MP3!!!

Since Thanksgivings are over, and the Christmas season awaits, let me help out ole St. Nick (Saint Nicholas to the layman) on his list.  Here are some humans who have been either naughty or nice this year, 2007.

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1. Bill Belichik - NAUGHTY!

I mean, c'mon!  You can't videotape the opposing team (the Jets in this case).  That's illegal.  Definitely naughty.

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2. Clifford - NOICE!

Clifford helps kids read and protects them from evildoers, like evil neighbors who want to do them sexually.

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3. Scott Peterson - NAUGHTY!

You can't go out there and kill your wife and unborn baby-child and expect to get some razzle-dazzle gifts from Santa.  You gotta EARN those gifts with kindness.  You, my friend, need to spend less time fishing and more time concentrating on how to be nicer.

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4. Scott Peterson - NOICE!

Bonus points for looking sharp.

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5. The California Firefighters - NOICE!

These brave men and women put their lives at stake helping others this summer.  The California wildfires that ravaged the countryside and destroyed millions of dollars in property were finally contained thanks to their efforts.  Those who's homes were saved owe everything to them.  Which brings me back to that old rule of thumb: never build a home near a fire.

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6. Black Spiderman - ???

Oops!  I don't know yet!  I haven't watched the movie.  I'll get back to you on this one Santa Claus.  (early prediction, NOICE!)

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7. Minnesota bridges - NOICE!

What, you expected me to say naughty?  All because of one little crumble?  That's like...1 out of 3700 bridges or something.  I'll take them odds.  Besides, Santa flies in his sleigh, what does he care?  (thanks Rudolph!)

Fake.

John Madden says "Boom!  Tough-actin Tinactin" a lot.  But wouldn't you insinuate that Tinactin doesn't actually work, it just pretends to work?  I knew a guy who acted tough, but he was just acting, he wasn't really tough (Apollo Creed).  In fact, he died!

Choose what you spray on your diseased feet wisely, that's all.  Just a word of warning.

Turkey with mayonnaise, and butter.

Here are four true facts regarding Thanksgiving and the holiday that surrounds Thanksgiving.

1. We didn't land on Plymouth Rock; Plymouth Rock landed on us!

2. It wasn't turkey that the Indians brought to the table for the Pilgrims.  It was revenge!  And it was served cold!  (cause it was in November)

3. Pocahontas.

4. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving Day, and the following Sunday, last day of the long weekend, are typically two of the heaviest annual travel days for passenger airlines, intercity rail and bus services, and highway travel.

Tom Brady is a dreamboat! (motorboat)

Put this on your iPod.  It's baby-making music.

"link to NFLscores.mp3"