To all dem haterz.

5 things to live by this week:

1. "Take things in stride."  This means steal while walking, non-stop.

2. "Keep your chin up."  Works well when getting a haircut.

3. "Enjoy life."  You might die, so this is a good idea.

4. "Eat your vegetables and fruits and vegetables."  An apple a day can't help against AIDS though, no matter what they say.

5. "Always go for 2."  Applies in football, basketball, hockey, racing, fishing, Olympics, and life.

TOP TENS OF 2006!

I'm bored.  Let me do some top __ lists.  Numbers will vary.

Top News Stories of 2008!

1. The lady that got hit in the head by a manta ray.  It's so freakish that it's not funny.  Just amazing.  Wilt scoring 100 points in one game is amazing, and so is this.

2. The Patriots going 19-0.

3. The Atari Jaguar makes a comeback.  A new, downloadable hack lets you hook up your old Jaguar to your new Nintendo Wii, allowing you to play all your old games with a Wiimote.

Top Movies of 2008!

1. There's Gonna Be Some Blood (DVD)

2. Deal (Movie) - This might end up being the worst movie I see in a long time, and I'm excited.  Anything to get Vince and Mike on the big screen.  I raise.

Top Internet Gemstones of 2008!

1. Use this trendy link to plan your next trip!

2. Found these guys on YouTube randomly.  So freaking stupid and hilarious at the same time.  Most of the rest of their stuff sucks, but this clip is great.

3. Did you know you can buy this on amazon.com!?!?  For only 6 bucks!  Eww, and it's "rigid" too.

4. Speaking of buying, anyone wanna go in and help buy this AVAILABLE domain name???

Top 2 Colors of 2008!

1. Apricot.

2. Gray.

Top Picture of 2008!

Only 110 more days till Christmas.

I gave up one of my favorite jokes the other day, and I don't know how I feel about it.  I know a guy and this other guy who do a podcast.  I posed a "question" to them, which just happens to be a running "gag" among my oval of friends.  The question:

"Can you assassinate a baby?"

Of course it made the podcasters giggle and discuss and wax philosophical.  I chuckled that they were talking about something I talk about a lot.  But it didn't feel right.  I wasn't hearing my usual friends talking back.  I have a very tight-knit oval.  I was somewhat jealous too that these guys were doing a podcast and Z and I haven't started ours yet (ever).

But who cares.  These topics aren't meant for podcasts or webcams or internet TV shows that will soon take off and become all the RAGE.  They're meant for me and the others I care to talk to in a public place.  We've got more topics.  Many more.  Sonic abortions?  T-Rex fighting?  Pringles Field Goal Kicking?  Cum Sideburns?  How many people here have AIDS?  etc.  (that's the best use of etc. ever, write it down or type it up).

The only way you're going to hear these jokes...  you know what... they're not even jokes.  They're the truth.  And fuck you, we're not going to tell you.  You'll have to eavesdrop next time you see three dudes coloring a picture at a bar all by themselves.

"Nice cleavage woman.  Are there any grey crayons over by you?  I need to make a top hat."

--Coming soon to the Twin Cities near you.

Masters recap

Get buck get buck.  Get buck get buck get buck.

I'm back.  (tomorrow).